I’ve have never written an article about a topic that I have not struggled with personally or experienced. So, I can relate to having experienced moments (personal and professional) where I have felt trapped or stuck in situations that I couldn’t seem to make progress on or move forward. That said, I also know that sitting around waiting and playing victim has never helped me get unstuck, nor will it help you.
At a surface level, telling someone to just be yourself or be authentic might seem like solid, and great advice. But this advice can be confusing on many levels, and it raises a ton of questions. Afterall, which self are you advising them to be? Is it their past self, their today self, or their aspirational self (the better version of ourselves) that each of us hope to one day meet? What if they haven’t yet figured out who they are or want to be?
*Where do you see yourself 3, 5, 10 years from now? *Is your current path taking you where you want to go? *Are you on your current path because its familiar or comfortable? *Is there another, less troublesome path you could take towards achieving your dreams?
But when people feel that they opinions and ideas won’t be accepted, they start to withdraw and hide (silence) or push too hard, (violence). Therefore, to help people feel safe in these crucial conversations, we must establish mutual purpose and mutual respect by letting the other person know that we care about them and their issue and that we have have shared goals. When we make people feel safe in tough conversations, we you can talk about anything, and people will listen.
When it comes to personal and professional relationships, the four words “We need to talk” can sound threatening and unsettling. And while no one has directed them to me lately, I recently had a few crucial conversations with people in both my personal and professional lives. While none of these conversations were comfortable, all of them were necessary. These crucial conversations took vulnerability, patience, a willingness for us to share our feelings and thoughts openly and honestly while listening to the other person’s perspective.
I know that making assumptions is wrong and that when and where I do it, I am projecting my fears, insecurities, doubts, and expectations on others. I also recognize that I also treat many of my assumptions as truth and act accordingly. Afterall, most of us create stories and narratives in our heads that justify our positions on a matter or to help us make sense of situations we are facing. These assumptions are potentially damaging to relationships as we defend our positions and try to make the other person wrong.
At some point or another, we’ve all met a ‘Fred’, needed a ‘Fred’, been helped by a ‘Fred’ or better yet have been a ‘Fred’ to someone else. So, what is a ‘Fred’? A ‘Fred’ is someone who goes above and beyond to deliver excellent service or stands out in his or her work regardless the role or circumstances. So, think of your most memorable customer service experience or a time when met someone who provided the high-quality service that blew you away or left a lasting and positive impression on you- that was a Fred.
All the stories of people who have overcame extraordinary circumstances to beat the odds, those who rose to the top of their game to achieve great success or blazed new trails are filled with examples of men and women who pushed past crippling fear, failure, rejection, and disappointment to chase after their dreams. Their stories show how they stepped out of their comfort zone and embraced risks to achieve breakthroughs and their life’s purpose. But whether you are successful or not, every one of us wrestle with fear in one area of our lives or another.
The law of attraction states that we attract into our lives what we project into the universe. This simply means that the people and events we attract to our lives are based on what we focus on and direct our attention to. The law of attraction is based on the view that we focus on expands. So, if we have negative thoughts, we will send out negative energy which will attract negative people and things into our lives. But if you think positive thoughts and feelings, you will generate positive energy which will attract positive events, people, and things to your life. So, if you are feeling negative or positive in this moment- that is the energy you are sending out to your environment and the people around you.
If you are reading this article, chances are you might be dealing with a difficult season, have just come out of a one or are heading to challenging time in either your personal or professional life. But in this age of social media, where we are bombarded by images of people living their “best lives” through their highlight reels, it is easy to believe that some people have all the luck, while you are struggling or feeling stuck. Truth is, nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems. Life is a every changing journey, filled with peaks and valleys or highs and lows that each of us go through. Since no one gets to go through life without experiencing peaks and valleys, how do you make these good times and bad times work for you?