But when people feel that they opinions and ideas won’t be accepted, they start to withdraw and hide (silence) or push too hard, (violence). Therefore, to help people feel safe in these crucial conversations, we must establish mutual purpose and mutual respect by letting the other person know that we care about them and their issue and that we have have shared goals. When we make people feel safe in tough conversations, we you can talk about anything, and people will listen.
I know that making assumptions is wrong and that when and where I do it, I am projecting my fears, insecurities, doubts, and expectations on others. I also recognize that I also treat many of my assumptions as truth and act accordingly. Afterall, most of us create stories and narratives in our heads that justify our positions on a matter or to help us make sense of situations we are facing. These assumptions are potentially damaging to relationships as we defend our positions and try to make the other person wrong.
If you are reading this article, chances are you might be dealing with a difficult season, have just come out of a one or are heading to challenging time in either your personal or professional life. But in this age of social media, where we are bombarded by images of people living their “best lives” through their highlight reels, it is easy to believe that some people have all the luck, while you are struggling or feeling stuck. Truth is, nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems. Life is a every changing journey, filled with peaks and valleys or highs and lows that each of us go through. Since no one gets to go through life without experiencing peaks and valleys, how do you make these good times and bad times work for you?
The Coffee Bean story uses the powerful analogy of a pot of boiling water and how three objects (a carrot, an egg, and a coffee bean) are changed by the heat and pressure when placed in the pot. The carrot goes in hard; it becomes soft by the heat and the pressure of the water. The longer the carrot stays in the boiling water, the more it loses its original form, becoming softer and softer and until it loses its vibrant color and taste. Though the egg had a hard outer shell that covers its soft liquid insides, when placed in the boiling water, the soft liquid inside begins to get hard. And if that egg stays in the water long enough, it becomes so hard that even the harder outer shell cracks. But when the coffee bean is placed into the pot of boiling water,