Tag Archives: Self

Who Are You? How to Understand Your Identity!

Question -asking- Who -Are -You? Image
Who Are You? Image

Who are you?” said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I—I hardly know, Sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”

Alice in Wonderland-Lewis Carrol

Who Are You, is not the typical question many of us get asked daily, nor is Who Am I, a question many of us normally ask ourselves. Yet as simple and straight forward as these questions might seem, many people struggle to conceptualize and communicate a response that clearly expresses their self-concept/self-identity or how they see themselves. When asked the question-who are you, many of us go with the obvious responses that include sharing our name, job title, family relations, hobbies, religious beliefs, and cultural background. While these responses explain parts of our self -identity, they barely scratch the surface of who we are as individuals. The “who are you” question challenges us to, pause and think about our beliefs, perspectives, experiences, values and how we make sense of the world around us.

So, who are you and why should you care?

Understanding Self- Identity

How do you identify yourself?

  • Do you identify according to your job/skills?
  • Do you identify yourself according to your family relations?
  • Do you identify according to your feelings or your natural talents?  
  • Do you identify according to you race or socio-economic status?  

Encyclopedia.com defines “Self-identity refers to a person’s self-conception, or self-definition that people apply to themselves because of the structural role positions he or she occupies or a particular behavior he or she engages in regularly. Self-identities reflect the “labels people use to describe themselves” (Biddle, Bank, and Slavings 1987, p. 326).”  

Based on this, there are no straightforward answers to the question of who we are.  Since none of us are any one thing, our self-identity is just as complex as we are. Like onions, our self-identity has several different layers and can shift as we grow, mature, and evolve. Nonetheless, our self-identity affects how we show up and approach life, bounce back from hardships, work with others, develop and maintain relationships, make decisions, and navigate life challenges.  And, understanding who we are, can help us cope with stress, improve work performance, and increase our overall psychological well-being.

What is Social Identity?

The societies we live in and our cultural backgrounds play a huge role in defining our self-concept/identity. And the concept of social identity offers us one of the best ways of developing a better understanding of who we are and how others experience us. The Center for Creative Leadership (CCL), defines social identity as “the labels that people use to categorize or identify themselves and/or others as members of specific groups.” Afterall, how we see ourselves influences how we interact with and treat others. And as organizations and workplaces become more diverse, understanding our social identity will also determines how we lead, manage and work with others.

CCL- Social Identity Model
CCL- Social Identity Model

Based on  CCL research, our social identity is made up of three parts represented by concentric circles.

  1. Given Identity: This is the outer ring which presents information about our ascribed characteristics for which we had no choice about. They include traits we received at birth such as name, nationality, race, ethnicity, sex, and personality and other physical descriptors such as height and age.
  1. Chosen Identity: This second ring represents characteristics that you control, the choices you made and the skills you have. Examples of your given identity includes your career or occupational choices, religion, hobbies, political affiliation, sexual orientation, and relationship status etc.
  2. Core Identity: The innermost ring signifies the qualities that make you unique. While some of these may change over your life, areas such as behaviors, values, and deep-seated beliefs remain constant.

Social Identity Example

Based on this social identity model, my given identity, includes being a 42 years old, 5ft. 6in. black woman who was born in Kingston, Jamaica to a teenage mom. I have two sisters and one brother. I’m extroverted, outgoing, assertive and love people. For my chosen identity, I am educated to the graduate level and have spent the last 18 years working as a learning and organizational development professional. I reside in USA and have dual citizenship. I am also a single mom to one beautiful daughter, a Christian and friend. I enjoy reading, writing, dancing, swimming, watching movies, great conversations and hanging out with friends. At my core, I believe God, I love people and I am passionate about learning. I value friendships, responsibility, consistency, communication, and love. And I am deeply committed to becoming a better version of myself and helping others so the same. So how about you?

And just as our social identities can change, some aspects of identity can be less or more noticeable depending on where we live. For example, when I lived in Jamaica, I never paid much attention to what being Jamaican meant. But, when I moved to the Northern Virginia area with a more diverse population, my identity as a Jamaican became increasingly significant. As I interacted with my new environment, I experienced a need to maintain my self-identity, while I sought to reinvent myself and to establish who I am and where I come from. Suddenly, my car had Jamaican plate holders and little flag, my ID lanyard at work was in Jamaican colors and I made sure to speak Patois more often than I ever did while living in Jamaica.  

Challenges to Self Identity

So, what happens when who you are changes? That is, the way you see yourself and your identity is challenged.

Major life events such as migration, an accident, death, divorce, debilitating illness, and other hardships can fundamentally change aspects of our identities. These changes to identity may cause some people to question their WHY, lose their way, their sense of purpose and to struggle with how they see themselves as well with other people’s perceptions of them. In fact, studies by Harvard Business Review, reveal that transitional experiences, such as job changes or romantic breakups, typically decrease self-concept clarity.

The research also goes on to state that “when living abroad, people’s exposure to novel cultural values and norms prompts them to repeatedly engage with their own values and beliefs, which are then either discarded or strengthened.”  On the other hand, the studies also states that another common response some people have to moving abroad is culture shock. In that, the “anxiety that results from losing all of our familiar signs and symbols can produce a level of anxiety  that leaves them feeling alienated and isolated and unable to establish a clear sense of self”.

When all is said and done, understanding our self-identity may help us to find commonalities with others around us, bolster our self-confidence and improve our overall self-awareness. In turn, this can improve our abilty to develop and maintain positive relationships, reduce communication breakdowns and misunderstandings. And best of all, knowing who we are can also enhance our capacity to deal with stress, adapt to change, be resilient and navigate life’s challenges. So, know thyself.

Until next time, Remember, ItsALearninglife!

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7 Ways to Tackle Your Personal & Professional Development in 2022

Feeding Your Mind- Personal & Professional Development
Feeding- Your -Mind- Personal- &- Professional -Development

In my last post, I wrote about how some people use the new year to set new intentions, goals, and resolutions to improve their lives. Personal and professional development are two areas that they typically focus on for self-improvements. But what is the difference between the two? While personal and professional development are inextricably linked, they are not one and the same. According to Indeed, “Personal development is the ongoing act of assessing your life goals and values and building your skills and qualities to reach your potential.” Personal development efforts are usually geared towards changing mindsets, attitudes, and behaviors to improve individual effectiveness and to increase one’s satisfaction with life. On the other hand, professional development refers to any effort taken to improve one’s effectiveness and performance on the job, increase knowledge and skills and to continue learning/education after entry to the workforce.  

While making improvements in any one of these areas can result in significant progress and provide positive benefits to one’s life, not everyone takes them seriously.

Importance of Personal &Professional Development

There is a popular quote by Albert Einstein that states “Once you stop learning, you start dying.” While the quote might sound morbid, it underscores the importance of being a lifelong learner and being intentional about pursuing ongoing growth and development to stay relevant and adaptable. Yet, one of the common mistakes that some people make is, assuming that their growth and development is a destination that they get to. Truth is that life and the world around you is constantly changing, and your development is dynamic. The skills and experiences that got you from one level or stage will not take you to your next level of success. Areas of strength in one season of your life can become weaknesses in another. And the weaknesses that you considered minor at one time, can become major issues or blind spots that can undermine your interpersonal relationships and overall effectiveness. 

Therefore, to maximize your potential and increase your chances for success and fulfillment in your personal and professional life, you will need to be proactively engage in ongoing self-reflection and seek feedback to pinpoint the hard and soft skills you might need change or improve.

Who’s Responsible for Personal Growth &Development

There is a commonly held belief amongst many employees that their professional development is their employer’s responsibility. And rightly so, since employers have an obligation to invest in their talent and workforce by equipping them with the tools, skills, and knowledge they need to execute their roles in a way that meet or exceed their organization’s productivity standards. With this expectation, many employees go to work with the expectation that their supervisor and/or organization is responsible for training them and equipping them with the skills they need to be efficient and effective in their roles. While this expectation is valid and fair, the rapidly changing nature of today’s work environment now demands that, employees be proactive about their development and not rely only on mandated trainings or wait for the annual performance review where the supervisor recommends training for a performance issue as a cue for development.

This passive and reactive approach to personal and professional development can prove risky at a time when the technologies you use, the way you work, the skills you need and the demands of the customers you serve are changing quickly. The reality is, your employers might not have the necessary supports in place to help you stay relevant and build your skills. In fact, many people complain about getting promotions on the job and not being adequately trained to perform effectively or not having the time to attend trainings due to the volume of work. Therefore, though employers have a responsibility to develop their people, you must become an advocate for your own personal and professional development and ultimately take ownership for it.

Time to Own Your Development

So how can you take action to become more proactive about owning your personal and professional development?

In an age where you have unprecedented access to information at your fingertips, there is really no excuse for not investing in your personal growth and professional development.  Regardless of your interests, how you like to learn or process information, there are many different options and formats that you can use for lifelong learning and self-improvement. Here are 7 ways that you can tackle your personal and professional development in 2022:  

  1. Do a SWOT Analysis: This process will require you to identify your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats and to take intentional actions to address them. Ask trusted and objective friends, coworkers, and family members to provide you with feedback that will help you to identify behaviors you need to Stop, Start and Continue.  
  • Invest in Continuing Education:  Depending on where you are in your career, this could involve going back to school to pursue a degree or diploma to gain new knowledge or to help you switch career paths. For others this could mean attending webinars, conferences, enrolling in a course or certification program to develop a new skill or improve an existing one. Remember ongoing learning is a great resume builder.
  • Attend YouTube University: YouTube is probably one of the most underutilized or underrated ways to access learning for free. If you can think of a topic, there is content on YouTube that can help you learn more about it. So, find a topic or skill you are interested in learning about, look for credible people speaking on the topic and get learning.
  • Read, Read, Read: In this social media age where attention spans are short and people are overwhelmed with snippets of information and tweets on their timelines, it is easy to become lazy about how you access and acquire knowledge and information. Rather than relying on your feed, join a book club, read books, articles, and blogs that are related to your industry and interests to ensure that you are staying abreast of current ideas and insights to improve your personal effectiveness.
  • Listen to Podcasts: Podcasts have gained popularity in the last few years. They provide a convenient and flexible way of learning on the go. If you are not a fan of reading, you can listen to podcasts as you exercise, complete chores, do errands or while driving. And like YouTube, you can find a podcast hosted by experts on any topic for free. So, search for podcasts apps on your devices and start listening.
  • Volunteer: Whether it’s at work or in your community, volunteering to serve on project teams or committees can be a great developmental tool and a way to build your network, learn new skills, help others, and pay it forward.  
  • Follow Subject Matter Experts on social media: Apart from showcasing the highlight reel of your life and that of others, social media sites such as LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Meta can also provide you with access to thought leaders who teach and share content/ideas that can inspire you to action or provide resources you can use for your development. Be sure to find these experts and follow them.

In conclusion, pursuing a path towards personal and professional development will require deliberate effort on your part and changes to how you spend your limited free time. Although it might seem overwhelming at first, enlist the support and help of trusted and objective coworkers, friends, and family members to help you figure out areas you need to focus on.  But ultimately, you are in the best position to act on the changes you need to make, chart your career journey, identify your next job opportunity, identify the skills and talents you need to hone to keep growing and achieve satisfaction with your life.

Until next time, “Remember ItsALearningLife! “

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Are You an Imposter? Here’s How to Deal with It!

Wooden- Blocks- Spelling- Imposter
  • Are you an imposter?
  • Do you secretly worry that others will find out that you’re not as bright and capable as they think you are?
  • Do you sometimes shy away from challenges because of nagging self-doubt?
  • Do you tend to chalk your accomplishments up to being a “fluke,” “no big deal”?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you might be suffering from Imposter Syndrome or impostorism. And you are not alone. Believe it or not, Imposter Syndrome is very common and research suggests that around 70 percent of adults’ experience it at least once in their lifetime.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

According to Harvard Busines Review,  Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success.  People who suffer from it (‘Imposters) usually experience severe feelings of self-doubt or a sense of being a fraud that outweighs any feelings of success or evidence of their accomplishments. And as they struggle with doubt about their competence, skills and talents, imposters find it difficult to accept that they are worthy of the admiration and regard of others.  

Maya Angelou (Nobel Laureate and World-Renowned Writer) is an excellent example of highly talented people who suffered from imposter syndrome. Throughout her career, she expressed feeling underserving of her many achievements and having great difficulty celebrating her successes. Many other brilliant people (Including Albert Einstein), famous celebrities, world class athletes, successful entrepreneurs also admit to feelings of doubt about whether they are worthy of the high esteem and value people attach to them. The same is true for the ordinary people you encounter in everyday life who discount their value and abilities and modestly attribute their contributions or achievements to luck or chance.

Although imposters doubt themselves and do not feel deserving of the accolades they receive; this does not mean that they lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem. On the contrary, people who suffer from imposter syndrome tend to perfectionists. And because they do not see themselves and their efforts as perfect, they believe that others will see their imperfections and realize that they are frauds or not as good as they seem.

Effects of Imposter Syndrome

So, what does Imposter Syndrome look like in everyday life?

According to Harvard Business Review, some of the common things that imposter think and say usually include:

  • “I must not fail”: Here imposters put a huge amount of pressure on themselves to not fail or to avoid being “found out. This causes them to work harder and longer and therefore leads to an inability to enjoy their success.
  • “I feel like a fake”: Imposters believe they do not deserve success or professional accolades and feel that somehow others have been deceived into thinking otherwise. They believe they give the impression that they are more competent than they are and have deep feelings that they lack knowledge or expertise.
  • “It’s all down to luck”: The tendency to attribute success to luck or to other external reasons and not their abilities is a clear indicator of imposter syndrome. Imposters may typically say or think: “I just got lucky” or “it was a fluke”. Often this masks the fear that they will not be able to succeed the next time.
  • “Success is no big deal”: This is the tendency to downplay success and discount it. They might attribute their success to it being an easy task or having support and often have a hard time accepting compliments.

Additionally, when people see themselves as imposters, they avoid speaking up and sharing their ideas because they do not think they are valuable. They might even question whether they “fit” or belong in the rooms in which they find themselves. People who suffer from imposter syndrome might also miss out on opportunities for promotion and advancement because they do not believe that they are qualified for positions that are within their scope or area of expertise. The same is true for dating relationships where a man or woman might not ‘shoot their shot” with the the person they are interested in, because they believe the person is way out of their league. Regardless of the scenario, the self-limiting thoughts and doubts associated with impostorism, have led many to procrastinate in moving towards the direction of their goals and dreams – be it starting that business, writing that book, making a career decision or better yet a personal one.

Person- Pushing- Away- Boulder- Titled- Imposter -Syndrome-Image

How to Deal with Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter Syndrome is not about having low self-esteem, being depressed, suffering from anxiety or lacking self-confidence. It mostly about the never-ending pressure that some people put on themselves to get better and the self-perpetuated feeling of incompetence and self-doubt that persist despite their efforts and achievements. As such, the biggest difference between imposters and non-imposters is how they think and what they say to themselves.

So, what can you do to deal with Imposter Syndrome?

Here are 10 tips from a leading expert on imposter syndrome that might help you overcome  it:

  1. Break the silence: Shame keeps a lot of people from “fessing up” about their fraudulent feelings. Knowing there’s a name for these feelings and that you are not alone can be tremendously freeing.
  1. Separate feelings from fact: There are times you’ll feel stupid. It happens to everyone from time to time. Realize that just because you may feel stupid, doesn’t mean you are.
  2. Recognize when you should feel fraudulent: If you’re one of the first or the few women or minorities in your field or workplace it’s only natural you’d sometimes feel like you don’t totally fit in. Instead of taking your self-doubt as a sign of your ineptness, recognize that it might be a normal response to being an outsider.
  1. Accentuate the positive: Perfectionism can indicate a healthy drive to excel. The trick is to not obsess over everything being just so. Do a great job when it matters most. Forgive yourself when the inevitable mistake happens.
  1. Develop a new response to failure and mistake making: Henry Ford once said, “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” Instead of beating yourself up for being human for blowing the big project, do what professional athletes do and glean the learning value from the mistake and move on.
  1. Right the rules: If you’ve been operating under misguided rules like, “I should always know the answer,” -stop. Recognize that you have just as much right as the next person to be wrong, have an off-day, or ask for assistance.
  1. Develop a new script: Your script is that automatic mental tapes that starts playing in situations that trigger your Impostor feelings. When you start a new job or project for example, instead of thinking for example, “Wait till they find out I have no idea what I’m doing,” try thinking, “Everyone who starts something new feels off-base in the beginning. I may not know all the answers but I’m smart enough to find them out.”
  1. Visualize success: Do what professional athletes do. Spend time beforehand picturing yourself making a successful presentation or calmly posing your question in class. It sure beats picturing impending disaster and will help with performance-related stress.
  1. Reward yourself: Break the cycle of continually seeking and then dismissing validation outside of yourself by learning to pat yourself on the back.
  1. Fake it ‘til you make it: Now and then we all have to fly by the seat of our pants. Instead of considering “winging it” as proof of your ineptness learn to do what many high achievers do and view it as a skill. Don’t wait until you feel confident to start putting yourself out there. Courage comes from taking risks. Change your behavior first and allow your confidence to build.

Final Thoughts

Imposter syndrome can help keep you humble and honest as you work towards becoming a better version of yourself. But don’t let it cripple you. You might never be able to eliminate it, but you can certainly manage it. Practice telling yourself a different set of messages- you are smart enough, your experiences are just as important, your ideas and insights are relevant.  As Michelle Obama once said, stop questioning if you belong at the table and recognize that you are needed at that table.

Until next time, Remember, It’sALearningLife!

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Danger: How to Avoid Work Stress and Burnout!

 Matchstick Men with Heads on Fire
5- Matchstick- Men -with -Heads -Burning- on- Fire -Image

Did you know that overwork and burnout contributed to more than 745,000 deaths worldwide in just one year? Yes, according to Psychology Today, a recent study from the World Health Organization, found that “over 60 percent employees suffer from workplace stress.” In today’s environment, the risk of feeling or becoming “burnout” has never been greater or more real. So even though we survived 2020, most of us approached 2021, cautiously optimistic that the worst was behind us, and that better days were coming with the COVID-19 vaccine. We hoped for the return to some semblance of normalcy and some relief from all the work pressures and life stressors. But here we are in the last quarter of 2021, and many of us are still experiencing a prolonged period of high stress and are at risk of becoming burnout.

In fact, many of us are now grappling with heightened levels of anxiety, renewed fear and uncertainty due to the recent surges in infection and hospitalization rates caused by the Delta variants of the COVID-19 virus, possible shutdowns, a return to the office, as well as the reopening of in person school. Therefore, it is fair to say that 2021, has not delivered the well-deserved break from the stresses of life that many of us hoped or wished for.

The Stress Curve-Image
The- Stress- Curve -Image

The Difference Between Stress and Burnout

Although many people use burnout and stress interchangeably, the two concepts are very different. The World Health Organization describes “burnout as “a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” On the other hand, stress is an everyday response to the demands and pressures of life. Stress affects both our personal and professional lives and can lead to a decline in productivity, motivation, and mental wellbeing, as well as an increase in lifestyle diseases such as obesity, diabetes, and hypertension.

In explaining the difference between burnout and stress, Forbes explained that “you can’t cure burnout  by taking an extended vacation, slowing down, or working fewer hours. Stress is one thing; burnout is a totally different state of mind. Under stress, you still struggle to cope with pressures. But once burnout takes hold, you’re out of gas and you’ve given up all hope of surmounting your obstacles. When you’re suffering from burnout, it’s more than just fatigue. You have a deep sense of disillusionment and hopelessness that your efforts have been in vain. Life loses its meaning, and small tasks feel like a hike up Mount Everest. Your interests and motivation dry up, and you fail to meet even the smallest obligations.”

Are You Burnout?

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit and the world came to an halt, none of us expected it to last this long. Many employees cancelled vacation plans, stop participating in some social and leisure activities that were crucial to maintaining work life balance and overall well-being because of social distancing and quarantine requirements. Without these much-needed breaks and interactions to help them balance and reset, many employees are now experiencing burnout, struggling to maintain productivity, find purpose and meet performance expectations amidst the constant change and uncertainty in the environment. Some of the common signs of burnout identified by Psychology Today are:

  • Disillusionment/loss of meaning
  • Mental and physical fatigue and exhaustion
  • Moodiness, impatience, and being short-tempered
  • Loss of motivation and a reduced interest in commitments
  • Inability to meet obligations
  • Lowered immunity to illness
  • Emotional detachment from previous involvements
  • Feeling efforts are unappreciated
  • Withdrawal from coworkers and social situations
  • Hopelessness, and a helpless and depressed outlook
  • Job absenteeism and inefficiency
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Foggy thinking and trouble concentrating

So, are you burnout or at risk of becoming burnout?

Men Holding Batteries Changing from Full to Empty-Cartoon
Men Holding Batteries Changing from Full to Empty-Cartoon

How to Address Burnout?

In trying to better understand and address burnout, it is important to look at whether work stress leads to burnout or if burnout leads to stress. In this classic chicken and egg situation, it is easy to say that work stress causes burnout or to conclude that burnout causes stress. But although work stress and burnout feed off each other, research tells us that,  “burnout has a much greater impact on stress than vice versa. Once burnout begins, it develops gradually, building up slowly over time. Ultimately it leads to work being increasingly perceived as stressful: The amount of work is too much, time is too short, and stress is too great. When people are tired, their ability to operate effectively and efficiently as well as cope with stress decreases. “This means that the more severe a person’s burnout becomes, the more stressed they will feel at work, such as being under time pressure.” Therefore, ““Employees suffering from burnout should be timely provided with adequate support to break the vicious circle between work stress and burnout.”

Having established that burnout can lead to detrimental physical and mental wellbeing, it is crucially important that we take proactive action to practice self-care (See previous post) and protect our overall well-being.  While each of us have our own strategies to deal with workplace stress and guard against burnout, Psychology Today offers some additional strategies that you can apply to boost your coping and resiliency skills:

  • Set time limits when you start and end your day and stick to those. Ideally, don’t work on weekends or at least limit your work to a couple of hours on one weekend day but not the other.
  • Use assertive communication with supervisors to set boundaries with workload and expectations.  Learn to say no.
  • Create a life vision or career plan that includes work-life balance. Your career and financial success should be harmonious with your personal life, including your health, relationships, hobbies, and more. Plan your career in the context of your life, not the other way around.
  • Be your own good parent and prioritize your self-care. Care enough about yourself to want the best for yourself not only in your career, but in your health and wellness. When you get adequate sleep, exercise, proper nutrition, and allow time for hobbies, you will be more productive at work.
  • Recover from the disease of being busy. Use mindfulness practices to reboot your mind, body, and spirit. By doing so, expect higher productivity, fewer errors, more creative thinking, improved problem-solving and collaboration, and higher emotional intelligence at work.
  • Delegate and access support. Look at your to-do list and ask yourself, “Am I the best person to do this? Am I the only person who can do this? Do I enjoy doing this? Is this worth my time?” Outsource tasks you don’t enjoy, when possible. Identify where you need help and ask for it.
  • Start your day right. Establish a morning routine that works for you and starts your day on the right foot. If you are a planner, plan your outfit, a nutritious breakfast, and set the coffee maker the night before. If not, leave yourself time in the morning for self-care. Practice a morning meditation or set intentions for the day.

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For additional insights on this topic, check out the additional resources at:

The Surprising Difference Between Stress and Burnout | Psychology Today

How To Tell The Difference Between Stress And Burnout (forbes.com)